CHAPTER I: Background story

Chapter I 

Is Earth really my home? This idea crossed my mind many times throughout my life. I guess that some people who are reading my blog are feeling the same sometimes. But for me, it's different from people I know in real life and also over the net (and I know many, many people).

Born 11/06/1995 in Slovakia, given human form and a weird soul, this is the beginning of my story.
I have always been very different from other people (yes, I know many people are saying this although they are the same), but my major differences started in primary school. I wasn't much into people and friends, but I spent all my time protecting animals (like slugs or worms) from kids who wanted to hurt them. I didn't care about the people there and had almost no need to talk with them. All I cared about were animals and their feelings & nature. One would say I was weird, basically, because at the age of 3-5 kids don't really realize what it means to hurt other beings and haven't formed this perception of wrong and right because of their age, although I understood it completely, even without anyone telling me somehow. Of course, I am not a saint and I used to be mean to my parrot firstly, but I understood the threshold for pain and never really hurt him. I remember having a friend who was my age (8) later on who didn't understand me picking up earthworms after rain and putting them back into the soil when they didn't make it normally because they started drying up - many of them died too, I am not sure how many I saved but it felt right for me in that age (actually to this age, I feel the need to put them back if they are too far away from soil and it's not soaking wet).

I was bullied in secondary school and even after my first years in the gymnasium. With retrospection and memories associated with secondary school, I realize that I didn't care about things people (and my mother for example) care a lot - like new clothes girls usually like for example. I was bullied because I was really different from my peers and classmates. I didn't understand why having no new, trendy clothes matters and why I can't just wear what I like (I often used to take my mom's clothes from the times when she was younger and loved it). I didn't get the skewed perception of my classmates, who were conformal already at the age of 6. I have always had very strict opinions about certain topics, which were different from my parents or other influencers and close friends, and to this day I can't explain how I gained those. It sometimes felt like they are imprinted in me without me gathering any information, it just felt right... somehow. Sometimes I just felt like something is wrong with certain events in the world and it turned out to be very wrong later. I also formed my own theory of life and the afterlife, but I'm gonna talk about that later. The idea behind this is that I feel like I am keeping many things for myself and later if I die I am gonna for sure regret that I have never stated/stored any opinion on any site where it is visible for people who might understand what I mean in the future.

The part I always skip in my blog is my paranormal experiences. I understand that not many people can understand what I mean because the majority of people never encounter anything that can not be explained, but I did. Many times. Science has no explanation for things I encountered throughout life. And I know many people would find me a fool, but I understand why I never speak about these things in public - people would not understand this. At all. But for the sake of the story to remain truthful I have to add it here, and I don't care anymore what other people will think or say about me anymore regarding this topic. This is a part of me and I'm a sane person. My first "weird" experience happened when I was a little kid around age 6 - multiple times happened that I could move little objects without wanting them just by looking/ concentrating on them (randomly). Although I always believed in magic, this was different. I realized I can't tell anyone about this, because people would question my sanity. I have never told, even to my parents. This ability though disappeared after I was around 10 y.o. or even sooner. There were multiple events when I had a "gut feeling" about something completely random and it proved it to be rightful about certain things, like checking the car randomly when I was 12 y.o. and discovering it was unlocked and similar things, I can't even count it and don't want to waste time to describe this, because I don't find it that interesting as other things I have to tell. When some people died in my family, strange things happened, like with the door itself closing or things falling (without wind). That just confirmed my theory about the existence of souls/ghosts, call it whatever. Just something else than just body and brain. Next events I don't feel yet comfortable explaining, but I had overnight bruises/injuries/burns which could not be explained by anyone for a long time (half a year+) a few years ago - when I was around 19, 20. It happened many times and I also had many times these weird dreams about extraterrestrial beings and conversations with them. Following these events, I've always felt like we can't be only humans in this huge Universe, but this was something kinda frightening on one hand and fascinating on the other. I used to be scared to talk about this and the only person I told is my boyfriend and my cousin.  

To continue my "normal" background - with age, I realized that I need to belong somewhere, but the life of the majority of teens wasn't for me. It just felt wrong to drink or smoke like the majority do, so I ran away to World Of Warcraft, and later, to League of Legends. Always has been some game that took me out of this world and to this day it is still the same. I'm 22 years old, finishing in major psychology at University with no problems in achieving high grades and an excellent memory for school stuff. Although I am not really good at using this potential, because I'm kinda lazy when it comes to school (that's the irony, but I do know a lot of things and have a lot of information & knowledge about many different fields, not just psychology - by that I mean things which matters and I'm interested in). I don't understand the current system in the world and it doesn't make sense to me how people are sometimes so stupid (as opposed of smart, not intelligent) and narrow-minded about certain topics despite having average and sometimes even high IQ.

I'll never stop questioning my own existence and the existence of this reality and the purpose of humankind. One thing is clear to me right now - this world is in hands of powerful people who pull strings and they are not good people, I can assure you of that, but I'll explain later. This world is a kinda rotten place with some exceptions, but there are too many bad things happening out there. Cruel things are performed by cruel people. And the worst, humans are the only beings who are conscious of their crimes. And one more thing to add, which I realized when I was around age 15 - humanity is not ready to open its "eyes". The majority of people can not take responsibility for their lives so they need "leaders". The majority of people are just not spiritually evolved enough to understand certain things and to face reality like it is. They rather stay in their bubbles and believe what the system wants them to believe without critically judging the data they are getting fed. But about that later ...