Title is kinda tricky. It's mirroring my personality very well though (two sides, bright and dark) - I accepted some (not that important) things but also decided to not give up on other important things. This month has been very weird; I am kinda very self conscious about my mental state and I don't feel very happy at the moment. Maybe I worry too much about future? Maybe some of you who are still reading my half baked non active blog are going through something similar.
League of Legends and games have been always a big part of my life. Major time at high school (aka teenage years were literally just me playing World of Warcraft). No people. Of course, there were some people, but nothing significant. I don't know if I have ever told you here, but I didn't go to prom. Reasons? My classmates were total assholess (exceptions like 4people max). I didn't feel like spending money on something just because it's a "tradition". I don't need to be conformal to prove my "place" in society. I just don't care at all. And I actually think that if you ever feel like me (that u don't want to do something what is conformal and traditional like proms and other things) and you are just being forced to events, just don't go... do whatever you want instead. I went on guild raid and I don't regret. Somehow these days I just feel like games are not satisfying anymore and I don't know why. But I have some explanations which I will discuss below;
First - as I said I kinda worry about future. Everyone does. But it's kinda unlikely for me, I can force my mind go blank for a veeery long period of time. Never had problems with falling asleep and stuff; these days I kinda got fed up with exams ( I passed them by the way) and also my part time job and felt kinda forced to do thing and I HATE THAT. I hate when I can't do things I want and I HAVE or MUST do something instead. I'm concerned about absolutely everything in my life. In the way that I have no idea what I want in the future, mostly; I am obsessed with aliens, forensic psychology, esports and esports psychology and also interested in other things I don't want to share right now (big plans kappa).
Second - I got my hair done in a hair studio by some FUCKING UNSKILLED hairdresser who completely messed up my hair. I'm so mad when I think about it - she literally made stairs on my hair (totally messed up layers of hair) and I had to go to my friend to fix it up ( she couldn't, it was THAT BAD, I have like hair on back side shorter and fronts are way longer ). I have to wait one month to get it cut to some cultured haircut. YES, you might say this is trivial problem, but no. Hair is something precious to me, you have to take good care of it and it's like crown of beauty and now it has been destroyed so I'm severly depressed. It will grow over time, but it messed up my mental state one day before exam and I got E. Because of hair. (Edit: it was a mistake, she changed it to C). Yes. That's how I am, never lucky. I might be 10% shallow person when I rethink what I just wrote.
Third thing is that I have some health issues and I decided to reduce/quit refined sugar. I am a big lover of chips, french fries, ice cream and many unhealthy food in general. As many of you know, I don't eat meat, although I still don't eat healthy. These weeks I want to get more fit - get back to exercising and sticking with my healthy life style plan for incoming months. This is sixth day without refined sugar (I had two times little portion of cooked potatoes but shhh). I tried to exercise with Fitnessblender (14 days out of 30) and it made me feel more energized. My sugar addiction is slightly dissapearing, I don't feel any urges to eat anything unhealthy at this moment (I GAVE UP ON IDEA OF EATING IT BUT IT WAS HARD!!!) I am including benefits of quitting refined sugar which concerned me to quit it:
1. Refined sugar is as addictive as cocaine. If you really don't want to slowly ruin your health and just weaken your immune system, it's a really good choice. I guess no one wants to be slave to something unhealthy drug-like (Like refined sugar).
2. Losing weight. This one is pretty attractive to me and any other person with weight struggles I guess.
3. Inflammation in body will decrease. Yes baby, refined sugar is causing all sort of inflammation, from heart diseases to acne.
4. Rates of cholestelor in blood will drop.
5. Decreasing chance to get diabetes.
7. Decreasing risk of cancer. Sugar spikes insuline to abnormally high levels. Insuline is one of the factor considered to be cause of cancer cells going on rampage.
8. No nutrions, no proteins, no fiber, no vitamins. Empty calories. You still feel hungry and craving for more.
The conclusion I made from my experiences past weeks and possibly months is that whoever is reading this, don't give up easily on things which are very important for you. Things which define you, dreams you have, hopes you hold. Those abstract treasures are something what you can't just forget and throw it away. On the other side - stop bothering with things which are not that important and focus on your true goals, no matter what they are and no matter how hard it seems to achieve it. Don't let other people to tell you what you are supposed to do when you feel inside that this is the right thing to do. It's your life and your responsibility for it. You don't want to regret that you didn't try something what you dreamed of for a long time.
