What can ilness teach you

Hello beloved foxies. To all loyal people reading my blog first I want to say that if you are healthy ( I know I made such post before, but...) APPRECIATE IT. Appreciate your health and what you have in life because some people in this world have painful and terminal disease about which you have never heard about and yet, we people still complain about our everyday bullshit. No, most problems are not even problems. I have never ever thought that ilness can change person this much. At times, I thought I'm about to die (due to insomnia from being in pain mostly, but also suicidal due to chronic pain).

We never know what can happen in life and we never look at health as something important, but - HEALTH is #1 priority. Without health, nothing in life makes sense. There is no such thing as 100% health but healthy is defined as such state in which we are able to do activities every day normally and adapt to life circumstances. When you are chronically sick these things become impossible. It's no use even saying that everything what I had in life - everything what I achieved, what I physically owned had no value for me anymore. I couldn't enjoy life AT ALL for four months. All I could think about was pain I feel due to infection and during night I was depressed or crying over it. So yes, basically that was me past months. People who don't know me and only see my fb/twitter would never assume of course. I was ironic as always, played games (even though first months couldn't because I couldn't even FOCUS cus of pain).

So yes, as I mentioned, ilness can change personality drastically. At times I felt like I am losing my mind, I was in such bad mental state. It was probably creating some  mental ilness I felt totally lost and detached from world (I recovered though). I was coinflip negative/ positive, because at times I wanted to believe that I'm getting healthy but then lost hope after seeing no results after so many treatments.

But... I have never completely gave up. Even after all these medical treatment failures, alternative failures I kept digging for other therapies and trying to solve this. I refused to accept this as my life and reality. In the end I can tell that I am recovering these days, I'm not completely back but I'm working on it so hard... it's way better then it was. So if you ever face such complicated situation - try to look after all solutions and there is 95% chance you will find it. It's easy to say don't give up, but in reality it's actually soooooo hard. Even though - you are here, on Earth (probably) given life, so you can't just easily give up on it. From now I will try to fight till the end. I will keep walking this path in life because I legit feel like I was given second chance in life.