It's just ironic. We people never value things and we take them for granted. I can tell to everyone that if you lose your health, quality of life is close to zero ( depending on the illness, but if you have chronic infection or pain it's just terrible). Daily activities are impossible, relationship with people is almost impossible too because you can't get your thought away from pain/illness/consequences. It's just never ending circle of pain affecting every inch of you. People, please - value what you have. Mainly things which you maybe don't realize - like your eyes, being infection free, that you have legs and arms. If you have these "things" then you are capable of achieving whatever you want. Stressing over other things became impossible for me last months due to physical pain. Didn't affect only my physical health, but also my mental state was very bad for the past three months. Now I'm trying fasting and alternative therapies because I had 8 treatments and nothing cleared my symptoms except alternative remedies which helped me to some extent. Now I don't eat any solid food for 7 days (now on day 4). You can google fasting and books about it, there are plenty. It's very hard to be without food but I know it can trigger many healing processes in the body- normally 80% of energy is used just for digestion. It sucks to be hungry, it sucks to feel weak and having fever and aches because of toxins released into the body, but it's still worth it!!! Although I'm nowhere where I should be I'm really trying my hardest to get myself back. This illness taught me something very precious - even though I feel weak and want to give up through tears I still continue somehow fighting this. I just can't give up on my life, new goals, dreams. There is no way I will lose this all due to being sick. I refuse to give up my life to this and I will find the solution no matter what. So if you guys ever encounter something so terrible as I did - don't give up. Never give up no matter how bad is it with you. Even if you feel like you are about to die from physical/mental pain. I understand the mental pain, extreme physical pain and also suicidal thoughts. I understand it all. I was through extreme bullying during my childhood, then I didn't feel loved by my mother and had many health issues throughout life /but none of them major like this one. I understand suffering more than I look like. But giving up won't benefit anything, I want my body to force the healing process and to recognize the infection and heal itself. I wanna be the perfect being once again and I won't surrender even if I have to go through dead people to gain it back.
Funny fact is that even during these days when I'm still kinda sick, I still look like before. My appearance except losing like 10-11kg didn't change much. My advice for everyone who is going through something similar is to stop losing hope. I have coinflip days when I lose hope but I am trying to erase it. I believe there is a solution for things like this and that it gets better over time with all effort I am putting into this. My negative mindset was only worsening things past months so I am trying to fix and also trying Silva method and visualization ( can check on google too ;D). It's just cruel that some people have to go through rare illnesses and never-ending sufferings, although somewhere exists the solution - and we have to try to find it, no matter what. I believe that in the body is enough healing power to overcome almost every illness, even if illness doesn't make sense or whatever (mine doesn't make sense). So, in the end, I just wanna say - I value things way more than before. Never realized how can life be so bad without being healthy, how everything can become so useless and pointless in my eyes, how illness can steal all sparks I had in my eyes. But even though - I AM STILL FIGHTING. And I won't give up. I refuse to give up.
:/ that sounds dangerouse oh btw nice to see that your back
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